Don’t mistake being happy for happiness. Being happy is reflected in the moment, such as a new toy, a runner’s biological hormone release, or an event that triggers the release of chemicals in the brain, like dopamine. Also triggering are chemicals like serotonin and endorphins. Nobody is ever happy all the time. Unlike monetary joy, happiness is a longer-term appreciation of feeling good about yourself and life.

The average person doesn’t live on happiness as much as they would like. Some seem to “endure life” rather than enjoy it, but most don’t realize how lucky and happy they are.

Your Glass is Already Half Full

Anybody whose doctors tell them they have 18 months to live looks at life differently. I was told at age 28 I had an inherited medical condition. My arteries were so bad that, at best, I had less than 18 months to live. It certainly made me look at my life differently. When I did and looked around, I realized my glass was half full rather than half empty.

In his book, The Count of Monte Cristo, Alexander Dumas said, “There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness.” That is only one of the many ways to realize the joys in life.

Look around at all the beauty and wonderful things you have in your life — life’s true riches. Do you have people who love you? Do you have people you love? Do you have friends? Do you enjoy the day? What more can you want out of life?

When I was an attorney, some of my clients came in to draft wills and trusts. A few of those clients had amassed great wealth but had little else in their lives. They were either divorced or still married but living with a spouse who tolerated each other for mutual convenience while living separate lives. Because all their efforts went into making money, they spent little time with their children. When they retired rich, they found they had an empty house. Their children had separate lives and had almost no contact with their parents.

When you quit work, you find so many friends are merely “business friends” you enjoy because you have the common bond of work and interactive occupations. You can find yourself alone. I admit that I am a little naïve at times, but I will always be amazed how many clients had nobody they could name as a trusted executor or trustee and asked me if I would accept that role. An empty life is a terrible void.

Effect of Advertising

The advertising industry spends nearly $1 trillion a year advertising their products. They paid that enormous sum to make us “want” their product and imply that if we “have it,” it will make us happy. Obviously, and naturally, mere possessions alone can’t change our happiness level, especially after the newness and novelty of having that possession where it is off. So, we are left feeling unsatisfied.

My son took a summer tennis course at Stanford University, and the head instructor gave a graduation talk. He said wanting things is like riding a train, looking out the window, and seeing telephone holes go past. We want the first telephone pole and will be happy when we reach this objective. But when we reach this objective, we find it unsatisfying. So, we anxiously await the next telephone pole to bring us our expected joy and happiness. We endlessly seek one more telephone, hoping it will satisfy our lust for contentment.

Write your obituary

Dr. Meyer Friedman, the famous physician who developed the concept of Type A/Type B Behavior, used to have his class sit down. He used to say, assume I, as a doctor, walked in, sat down, looked you in the eye, and said, “I’m sorry, but the test is conclusive. You’ve got six months to live.” Imagine that scenario, and now write your obituary.

Please take a black sheet of paper and do so. It not only makes you think of death but also helps you realize all that you do have. It is a good exercise, and I urge you to take five minutes and do it. You will learn a lot.

Money

It’s always nice to fantasize and think if I had millions and millions of dollars in the bank. I would be so happy. However, I can tell you that when the doctor says you may not survive the night, money has very little meaning. Your health, your family, and those who support you bring you the greatest comfort. Life is much more challenging if you need more money to buy groceries or provide a place to live. But that only sometimes equates to less enjoyable.

Nothing in life is all good or all bad. There are negatives to being very rich. I have friends who are very wealthy, and they always worry that people will want to marry their children because of their money. Another problem arises as some give too much to their children, so when their children grow up, they have no ambition and find little meaning in the emptiness of their days. 

I had one trust-fund young adult who could never find anyone to marry. He flittered around with nothing to do and kept wanting to get married. But, every time a girl said she would marry, he had her come in to sign an “antenuptial agreement,” meaning before they got married contract. We called it the “XYZ anti-nuptial agreement” since I drafted over 15 of them. He was always worried they were only after his money and didn’t know how to give of himself.

The other day, I read about Elon Musk, who is maybe the world’s richest man. The article said that Elon goes out into the public with 18 bodyguards. Who wants to live that way? Your dreams are fun and fantasy, but less accurate in reality.

Then there was John Paul Getty, Sr., who in the late 1970s was considered the richest men in the world. He was interviewed on TV, and I remember he had pay phones in his house so nobody could make a call on his “dime.” When the moderator asked him is Getty had any friends, he paused and said, “Yes, once, years ago, I had a friend.”  What kind of live is that – money certainly can’t buy happiness.

Happiness Does Always Mean Easy

There is a misconception that being happy means having no problems. Ah, if only that were so. I am fortunate, cheerful, and gratified with life. I’ve had a wonderful life. Honestly, I wouldn’t trade my situation for anybody else’s. I have family who loves me enough money to have a roof over my head and not worry about where my meals are coming from. Still, there have been challenges. I had three heart attacks by age 27, a separate bypass operations at age 28, and eventually a heart transplant. Those medical challenges sometimes make life a little harder, but it doesn’t diminish the joy in life.

Five Activities to Increase Your Chance of Happiness

Everyone’s life is different, so there is no one easy answer that fits all. From my own life and the extensive reading and studying I have done, I have found several procedures that can increase the likelihood that you will find happiness. It is not an all-or-nothing proposition. Try the ones that might work. Scientific studies have found each of the following beneficial, so if you are not doing one of the items below, consider trying it. After all, you have nothing to lose. My list of the five most beneficial activities differs from most others, but it will serve you well and is very doable.

1. Exercise 3 to 4 times a week. When I was young, I could do endless sit-ups and push-ups, but after I was married and working full-time, I found less time to take care of myself. To be fair, the issue was that exercise took a lower priority. When the doctors encouraged me to do 20 minutes of exercise, I found that after 6 to 8 weeks, I had more energy and was more receptive to the joys of life. Unless you are at that stage where you frequently get exercise through sports or other activities, try a doctor-approved exercise program. When I was in heart failure and could walk no more than 20 steps without stopping, my physicians continually pushed me to keep exercising. Everybody is in better condition than I was then, so you can’t use your physical condition as an excuse.

2. Stand Up Straight. Many people roll their shoulders forward and jut their chin out naturally as they age. If you are unsure how to stand, lean against a wall so your back and head touch the wall. Not only does it make you look older, but mentally deprives you of energy and stature. Throw your shoulders back and hold your head up high. It might feel awkward initially, but if you put a rubber band on your wrist or other marker where it will be a constant reminder, you will feel younger and more energized after six weeks.

3. Do Something for Yourself Each Day. It doesn’t matter what you do; it is a fact that for 10 or 15 minutes a day, you expressly do whatever it is that brings you joy. For some, it might be reading a book or listening to music; for others, it might be doing a hobby or playing a musical instrument. The trick is to avoid getting so tied up in daily activities, routines and struggles that you fail to make time for yourself explicitly.

4. Give to Others. Socialization is essential to keeping young, preventing dementia, and finding happiness. There are so many ways you can reach out and help others. You can volunteer once a week or once a month at a hospital in the gift shop or many varied openings where they need assistance. You can volunteer at your local school to read the kindergartners. You can assist seniors by teaching chess or checkers, computer use, or any skill you have. We are not talking about an everyday activity, but something you do a few times a month consistently.

5. Smile Correctly and Frequently. Dr. Meyer Friedman, who I mentioned above, made us smile every morning for five minutes in front of the mirror. He did not allow us to do the little smirk where you turn the edges of your mouth up. Instead, he said the only smile that counted, to which other people responded, was one in which you showed both upper and lower teeth in a broad and open smile. I laughed at the time and thought his activity absurd. But it worked. I practiced my smile throughout the day and intentionally smiled when I met others. It worked; people were more responsive, and smiling made me feel better. For me, it is a habit that I now do subconsciously, and my wife has often asked me what I’m smiling about. “Nothing,” I say, “I’m just happy.”

Conclusion

Look around you and see all the joy you find in people, environment, and being able to enjoy each day. Your glass is already half full – – you need to realize it.

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Ted is a retired attorney, so he is writing only as a layperson. This article provides general information only and is not for a particular situation; it should not be construed as advice. It is provided without express or implied warranties of any kind, including but not limited to implied warranties or merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. If you have a particular problem seek advice from a CPA, attorney, or doctor. Sorry, my attorneys made me say all that!